LOOK UP.

That is a saying that is on a little statue Doug has at home, and bears reminding.

Needless to say, things went quite a bit wacky this month – and I don’t have good news.

My trip to NJ wasn’t bad. I took the longer way there, to avoid going through some major cities and traffic at the wrong times in bad weather. Unfortunately it rained the whole 7 hour drive 🙄 We arrived at Brielle’s place about 4pm and let Sully stretch his legs a bit while we chatted before tucking him in the for the night. I camped out in the driveway in the trailer that night, and discovered a roof leak with a steady drip, as well as water/road-spray that came in under the lq area door and soaked the mat! Thankfully overall it didn’t leak too badly, but something needs investigating and fixing for sure (door issue has been solved, roof next). I returned home the next day after giving Sully a solid brushing and cuddling, making sure he knew I will be back! Sounds childish, but I’ve not “sent him away” beyond being boarded for the first 2 of our years together, let alone had anyone else really ride him at all in almost 4 now! I hit the road early and drove home the faster way, with traffic only in a few spots, so it was 5.5hrs instead and home just after lunch.

The next afternoon Sully got to see a vet with Colts Neck Equine, who also does the race-track horses, to assess the stifles and help develop his rehab plan. I had a metabolic panel pulled on him earlier in the week at home, and the NJ vet also expressed the sentiment that he appears to have Cushings, so we anxiously awaited those results as it changes the options for injections going forward, and can definitely impact his healing. She did x-ray his right stifle and found arthritis as expected; however she did not see it to the degree expected with his lameness at a trot and pain levels at the moment. This could be from just having been hauled 7hrs, and/or Cushings makes injuries more painful and difficult to heal. She was up front and said she isn’t entirely sure he will return to any level of competitiveness as he could need pain management for riding … this is where I started to get stuck in a rut with my thoughts.

If you’ve followed my story, you know that Sully and I had a bit of redemption from my trials and tribulations with horses (since 2014) with a BC and HVC in 2019 at the very ride I lost Traveler at, our first 50 in 2020, and then completion of a 2nd 50 and me finally reaching 250 LD miles with AERC to finish out the 2021 season. Here I am now, faced with another bump in the road of my journey….
The bloodwork came back from our home vet “within normal range” however it is NOT! Following the ECIR calculators he is severely IR, and the PPID/Cushings still TBD as the stim test was not done then (ACTH is normal range otherwise). Apparently the drop in work from the horrible winter we had could have just been the time needed to let it creep up at his age 😟 Or a whole list of other possibilities that I began sifting through as they each have an impact on his future management. So after getting the vet’s take on his physical status right now and the bloodwork, I was having a rough time…

Next came the news that my mom was heading to the hospital, believing it was a pancreatitis attack, only to be told she has an intestinal blockage and is at risk of perforation if they try to do a colonoscopy for further investigation. Instead she was scheduled for an exploratory abdominal surgery 2 days later (as they worked to rehydrate her from prior days of sickness) with the expectation that she would have to have a resection during it. I scheduled a flight to leave the next morning and follow up bloods for Sully in NJ to include the TRH stim, Lyme and CBC panel.

My world blew up that morning… I reached out close friends to help me sort through the thoughts and emotions, as well as Doug. It was tough to focus, yet I had to press on. I scrambled to get through everything that needed to be done and was off on an early flight the next day; sun rising as I was on the runway. I landed at my layover to turn on the phone just as my brother was calling – they moved my mom’s surgery up a day due to a cancellation. She would be in surgery while I was in the air next. I called and spoke with her, which for everything else she is complete wreck about, she seemed rather calm (morphine affect maybe?!). I told her I loved her and would see her after, then was in radio silence until I landed again, praying that the doctors/surgeon would be able to help her and would hear good news. Landing in FL I quickly turned on the phone to check in with my dad and had learned they found NOTHING. No mass, no blockage, Thank G*d. She was coming out without a resection and headed to the recovery room. What they still didn’t know was why nothing was moving… while she suffers from gastroparesis, it has been ‘managed’ the last 10 years. Now the key was finding a combo of medications to get the motility going so the ‘pseudo-blockage’ could pass, and then keep things moving. My dad and I spent the next several days of 10-13hrs in the hospital with her. Talking to doctors, keeping everything straight for my dad and relaying info to my brother, helping her move about, and waiting. Evenings back at the house we tried to decompress, but it didn’t often happen. In the end my mom was released 7 days after she went in, and then I spent a few days at home with them to help set things up there before I returned to VA. She has a bit of recovery ahead after an abdominal surgery, and it is tiring and painful. But we are hoping the new doctors she now has locally and resources for nutrition will help in the long run, as well as a new medication they are waiting on insurance to approve. She knows I’ll come back if I’m needed, and my brother can head that way too if I can’t. It is all emotionally draining, and conversations were heavy for a long time. Doug and the kids did well at home, but we all missed each other; the hardest part was probably that when I left I had no idea how long I’d be gone for. While I was gone, it was also the anniversary of losing Tesla in 2016; April does not appear to be my month.

A week from when I left I came back home, expecting that on the 21st I would talk to the vet as she is rechecking Sully and drawing blood. As it turns out, she went out later the prior week to draw the blood on the way in to the office and had just received the results as she was on her way to the farm again. The vet up there has been great. Texting and calling and discussing all the options with me. I sent her all the bloodwork I have on Sully so we could compare… We were looking for looking for anything that might be amiss to show a reason for this change – His CBC and panel was all normal. His Lyme test no different than the one prior, the TRH Stim was positive so he is being started on meds while there {Brielle has also been able to see he was drinking excessively, and initially had stopped shedding a few days after arrival. He was started on Insulin Wise per the vet up there, and about a week later he started to shed again, so that was good news} He is wearing a muzzle in turnout to be safe for the IR portion, and I’ll have to make some diet and overall management changes when he returns home. The track has been a good thing on the main pasture, the inside grass is coming back strong, but now I’m in a bit of a conundrum since I got another 2ish acres added to our lease so the horses could have grass, and now 2 of the 3 really can’t be turned loose on it! It will be an interesting bit of tweaking the program once they are all here again.

So anyway… on to my conversation with the vet – it was not all that encouraging. The odds of Sully returning to endurance are slim. There is a chance getting the metabolic things under control will help him bounce back, but I can’t bank on that, and there is no good explanation as to why he is suddenly so different in a span of 6months. A good chunk of the treatment options, and things we done in the past, are no longer an option for him. There are of course biologics that could be used, but cost more than I’m comfortable spending without knowing if they will help, and knowing that they also are not a one time thing so difficult to sustain in the future. In order to figure that out, I could do more scans and such, again at more cost that is unlikely to give us a clear answer other than “try it and see”. For now he has been started on meds and will finish out the rehab time with Brielle to help him get fitter. I’m working on the plan for when he returns home and how to best manage him and some holistic remedies we will use and see if there is a difference … and struggling with the possible future for him, me, and the other horses even. Could we have another redemption story to play out together?

Can I be honest and just say I really don’t want to have go through another redemption story? My goal was decade team… we had 2 years for that and 3 towards his longevity award; it all seemed possible. He finished his 2nd 50 at Biltmore last fall looking and feeling strong…I had such plans for this year. Skyler and I were just getting out together and had made plans for camping rides and even her first limited distance ride experience together; we are signed up to attend another Kemp horsemanship clinic with the boys this June…Right now I’m sad and depressed, and after the last update from Brielle not at all encouraged for Sully’s future….

I’ve been reminded to keep looking up… and I will as I keep forging ahead trekking along this journey too.