I’ll be honest… things are NOT getting any easier.

Sully has been gone a month.

I’m still just “doing” things that need to be done.

I routinely fall apart.

I’m numb and raw at the same time.

I don’t want to ride… numerous offers exist to borrow a horse “when I’m ready,” and I have no idea when that might be.

I feel guilty not wanting to ride because Skyler doesn’t get to go out on trail with our friends. Granted the weekends have been full with soccer and weather issues, but there is opportunity being missed for them.

I managed to complete this for Skyler, and it hangs in her room. It has a lock of mane, his pasture collar and one of his first shoes (prior to swapping to composites), with pictures she picked out of them together. There is another collage picture that hangs downstairs as well that we made for her right after he passed. While he wasn’t “her” horse, he was hers too.

I have sold Sully’s Scoot Boots and most of the accessories; no one here is that size so I let them go to be enjoyed by others.

If and when/when and if – not sure which way I feel yet – that next horse comes into my life, I need a new start. I am only planning to keep the saddle, pads and saddle bags at this point. I will list most of his tack, and tack I dug out from Traveler & Tesla. I even retired the black-rainbow lead rope all 4 of my horses have used.
In the midst of this, I decided to finally create a memory box for them too from their rope halters and the bracelets made of their tail hair (one for each and one that has both intertwined).

I sent out tail hair to Equine Keepsakes for a keychain to be made so I can keep Sully with me (Jan ’23 estimated completion), and found someone on Etsy willing to take on the challenge of creating me a keepsake from a composite shoe. Rustic Creation Ranch worked closely with me and produced a perfect design. It is now in Sully’s shadow box with his halter, a lock of mane, and a picture from our 2nd 50 (and last completion) together at Biltmore in September 2021. Both boxes are hung in the stairwell, with Sully’s next to the virtual challenge ribbon holder from the past few years. I have two more we registered for… one that is 60% done and I don’t know how to finish, and one we never got to start.

I’m exploring the idea of a painting of him, as I have one of the other 2, with JLW Ink. In doing so, I got to look through pics and put together an album of photos of us/him… I smiled seeing that look of his I so long for… How I miss seeing his face soo much and being in his huggable presence, always knowing he would gladly come to me for attention or allow me to just groom him at any time.

The love and kindness I saw in his eyes daily (even during our difficult to catch phase), now gone 💔… 2018-2022 album